quote:kasp: küni too naine küsis et kas ma olen huvitatud tootest. ütlesin talle, et olen küll, aga mul pole telekat selle peale naise hääl kohe muutus, ja ütles et siis ei saa. ma ütlesin aga ma nii väga tahaksin ikka, kas on kindel et ilma telekata ei saa. naine ütles, ei saa jah ja kohe selle järgi nägemist....
Kusjuures kui ta seda Slingi üritas sulle pähe määrida, siis selle jaoks ei ole telekat vaja jah
Natuke huumorit vol 29You may find this helpful around the house/garage....
DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your soda across the room, splattering it against that freshly-stained heirloom piece you were drying.
WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned guitar callouses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, 'Yeouw....'
ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning pop rivets in their holes until you die of old age, or for perforating something behind and beyond the original intended target object.
SKIL SAW: A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.
PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.
BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs. Caution: Avoid using for manicures.
HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built for frustration enhancement. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.
VISE-GRIPS: Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.
WELDING GLOVES: Heavy duty leather gloves used to prolong the conduction of intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.
OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub you want the bearing race out of.
WHITWORTH SOCKETS: Once used for working on older British cars and motorcycles, they are now used mainly for impersonating that 9/16 or 1/2 socket you've been searching for the last 45 minutes.
TABLE SAW: A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.
HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.
EIGHT-FOOT LONG YELLOW PINE 4X4: Used for levering an automobile upward off of a trapped hydraulic jack handle.
TWEEZERS: A tool for removing wood splinters and wire wheel wires.
E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool ten times harder than any known drill bit that snaps neatly off in bolt holes thereby ending any possible future use.
RADIAL ARM SAW: A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to scare neophytes into choosing another line of work.
TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect.
CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 24-INCH SCREWDRIVER: A very large pry bar that inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end opposite the handle.
AVIATION METAL SNIPS: See hacksaw.
TROUBLE LIGHT: The home mechanic's own tanning booth. Sometimes called a drop light, it is a good source of vitamin D, 'the sunshine vitamin,' which is not otherwise found under cars at night. Health benefits aside, its main purpose is to consume 40- watt light bulbs at about the same rate that 105mm howitzer shells might be used during, say, the first few hours of the Battle of the Bulge. More often dark than light, its name is somewhat misleading. The accessory socket within the base, has been permanently rendered useless, unless requiring a source of 117vac power to shock the mechanic
senseless.
PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids, opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.
STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER: A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws.
AIR COMPRESSOR: A machine that takes energy produced in a coal-burning power plant 200 miles away and transforms it into compressed air that travels by hose to a Chicago Pneumatic impact gun that grips rusty bolts which were last over tightened 40 years ago by someone at VW, and instantly rounds
off their heads. Also used to quickly snap off lug nuts.
PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.
HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to make hoses too short.
HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent to the object we are trying to hit.
MECHANIC'S KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use. It is also useful for removing large chunks of human flesh from the user's hands.
DAMMIT TOOL: (I have lot's of these) Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling 'DAMMIT' at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need after a really big hammer
Natuke huumorit vol 29Ei ole küll nali aga ehk oskab keegi aidata.
Kunagi (ikka aastaid tagasi minu mäletamist mööda) jooksis ühest natuke huumorit/nalja teemast läbi üks pilt, kus stripil olid foori taga Audi RS4 ja miski Mopar vist. Ja järgmisel pildil põlesid fooril rohelised tuled, audi oli veel koha peal aga Mopar pildilt kadunud. Pealkiri oli vist veel WTF? vms.
Tuli täna meelde see pilt aga mitte kuidagi ei suuda enam leida kuskilt.
Äkki on veel kellelgi see kuskil kettaavarustel säilinud või mäletab keegi linki.
Natuke huumorit vol 29O rganiseeritud
P eldik
E esti
L iikluses
K: Mida näitab Opeli kilomeetrilugeja pärast 1000 kilomeetrit?
V: Game Over!
K: Kuidas kutsud Opelit millel on pidurid?
V: Tuunitud opel.
K: Kuidas panna Opel kaduma?
V: Lased roosteeemaldajaga üle.
K: Miks on kõnniteed?
V: Et Opeli juhid saaksid koju kõndida.
K: Kuidas kutsutakse katuseluugiga Opelit?
V: Prügikast.
K: Kuidas Opelile odavalt varuosi saada ?
V: Tuleb lihtsalt teise Opeli taga sõita
K: Mis on Opeli kasutusjuhendi viimasel leheküljel?
V: Busside ja rongide sõidugraafik.
K: Mis on tampooni ja Opeli vahe?
V: Tampoonil on kohe nöör kaasas.
K: Kuidas Opel kiirendab 0-100kmh alla 20 sekundiga?
V: Lükka kaljult alla.
K: Miks on Opelil 4 ratast?
V: Et ta meenutaks natukenegi autot.
K: Miks opeli juhid turvavööd ei kinnita?
V: Nii saab kiiremini autost välja hüpata kui põhi alt ära roostetab.
K: Kui suur on Opeli tippkiirus?
V: See oleneb autost mis teda parasjagu pukseerib.
K: Kas sa oled täna autoga?
V: Ei ma tulin Opeliga
88% Opelitest on endiselt teedel
12% nendest jõudis sihtpunkti
Pssst,tasa! Kuula kuidas mu Opel roostetab...
Sõber ei sunniks sõpra Opeliga sõitma
Kohalikus baaris oli võistlus: Esimene koht sai Opeli. Teine koht sai kaks Opelit...
Uutel Opelitel on õhupadjad. Kui sa tunnetad avariid siis hakka kähku parem pumpama...
Tead uut Opeli turbo mudelit? Sellel on tagaistmel ka vändad
Opel lasi välja uue öko-mudeli. See oli ideaalne: vaikne, loodussõbralik, odav...
Ainuke probleem oli see,et pikendusjuhe olid vaid 20m pikk ja kuulus lisavarustusse.
Opel ei leki vaid märgistab enda territooriumit.
Opelitel ei ole mootorinumbreid... Neil on säilivuskuupäev.
Ostes uue Opeli saad koera kaasa,et ei üksi ei oleks igav koju jalutada.
K: Mis on ühist Opelil ja rasedal teismelisel?
V: Mõlemad on oma perekonna häbiplekid.
K: Kuidas Opeli kiirendust mõõta?
V: Kalendriga.
K: Mis on maailma pikim auto?
V: Opel. Natuke üle kolme meetri autot ja 100 meetrit tossu.
K: Mis on ühist Opelitel ja beebidel?
V: Ilma kisa ja kärata ei lähe nad kuskile.
K: Miks ei ole Opelitele gps-i vaja?
V: Sa ei jõua nii kaugele,et ära eksida.
K: Mis on ühist Ferraridel ja Opelitel?
V: Ferrari kiirendab 0-100kmh 4 sekundiga,samas Opel kiirendab 0-4kmh 100 sekundiga
quote:memphis: Ei ole küll nali aga ehk oskab keegi aidata.
Kunagi (ikka aastaid tagasi minu mäletamist mööda) jooksis ühest natuke huumorit/nalja teemast läbi üks pilt, kus stripil olid foori taga Audi RS4 ja miski Mopar vist. Ja järgmisel pildil põlesid fooril rohelised tuled, audi oli veel koha peal aga Mopar pildilt kadunud. Pealkiri oli vist veel WTF? vms.
Tuli täna meelde see pilt aga mitte kuidagi ei suuda enam leida kuskilt.
Äkki on veel kellelgi see kuskil kettaavarustel säilinud või mäletab keegi linki.
Natuke huumorit vol 29Pühapäevase Tallinna näitel on kõnnitee kohaks, kuhu valge Dodge kastika omanikud ronivad oma maasturi võimeid proovima. Bussijaama trepp jäi siiski ületamatuks takistuseks.
A.
quote:Madlobster:
K: Miks on kõnniteed?
V: Et Opeli juhid saaksid koju kõndida.
.. 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 .. 
selle peale naise hääl kohe muutus, ja ütles et siis ei saa. ma ütlesin aga ma nii väga tahaksin ikka, kas on kindel et ilma telekata ei saa. naine ütles, ei saa jah ja kohe selle järgi nägemist....
